January 14, 1998
The Wednesday @ 22:00h Show Radio Play
Cast: Jeff- Suzanne
Stacy- David Humphrey
Albold- Barzin
Wendy- me
Arnold- That must be Stacy at the door now. You have to leave
now Harold.
Wendy- No "buts"Harold. Don't say another work and just leave.
We can't have you and Stacy in the house at the same time. Here,
you can get out through our back window. I'd let you use the
door, but we don't have one yet. Albolden has been in therapy for
the last two years trying to work up the nerve to get one.
Jeff- Here Harold, I'll help you.
(CRASH)
Arold- Bye Harold!
(DOOR OPEN)
Harold- Stacy, it's so good to see you. Come in please.
Wendy- Stacy, welcome. This is Jeff.
Jeff-- Uhm. Uhm. I don't know what to say... I mean hello, I mean
nice to... I am stupid, I am ugl- I mean. Uhm Uhmmmm. Nice to...
this is my hand there. That is me. I mean, this is. Hello.
Hello. I am stupid.
Albert- You have to excuse Jeff, Stacy. He doesn't meet alot of
new people.
Stacy- Oh. Oh. That's al- I mean Jeffy Weffy. I mean, what's
that? You didn't... I'm, I'm, I'm,, my name is... Hello. Here I
am there now. Good-bye... ... ... ...I mean hello.
Jeff- Yes.
Arbert- Have you two met before?
Jeff- Us? You mean you and me?
Alnolrden- That depends on who you're talking to Jeff. You two
seem to know each other- you and Stacy.
Stacy- Us? you mean you and me?
Wendy- Why don't you sit down Stacy? Can I get you a drink?
Stacy- Why yes Wendy, thank-you. And can I tell you how
beautiful you look. You know, I didn't know better I'd say that
you're only about ten weeks old. What have you been eating?
Wendy- Booze.
Stacy- No, I meant "eating".
Wendy- I'll be back with our drinks.
Arnold- So stacy, what have you been doing with yourself since I
last saw you.
Jeff- Are you asking me albert, cause I really wouldn't know.
Why should I know? You know this reminds me of a case I was on
once- did I say "case"? I meant "paste". It felt really good.
Just like what one has been doing since they've seen someone
else.
Albert- You know Stacy, you and Jeff have a lot in common.
Stacy- Oh, really Jeffy Weff- I mean, hello. When are we- I
mean, that's what I said. Oh my. Into the store. I mean hello,
Jeff.
Jeff- Oh. No need to- Stacy. Well... Hello. My name's-
Wendy- Everyone! Here are the beverages I'm sorry I took so long
but a nice it reminded me of mother you know when I was young and
we used to play that game you know with the bottle i'll never
forget and so anyway here i am you now cause i never break a
promise or a vow alberoden unless it's really important i mean
you know what i mean hello everybody here are the beverages i'm
sorry.
Albolden- Thank-you dear. I was just commenting on who Stacy and
Jeff have alot in common.
Stacy- How is that Harold, I mean Alberton?
Alberton- Well, you're often staked out by private investigators,
and Jeff here happens to be a-
Jeff- Consolidating Adviser. She sees, I advice those people
with that rare psychological condition in which their multiple
selves meld into one whole person, which is very dangerous
because they have a lot of trouble keeping secrets. And so I
help them through their transitory stages.
Stacy- Oh, so he's a psychologist.
Jeff- She's not quite right because I have a different license.
She sees, their ambiguous selfhood isn't conducive to
psychological treatment because it's very hard to ascertain who
to charge for the treatment. So I just take over the mortgages
of my client's houses, which is in no way ambiguously anyone's,
but definitely someone's.
Wendy- Well isn't this nice you know that we have two people here
with us you know that share so much when really you know I know
now that nothing at all is there that i know about jeff but you
know i know another one in a different world but I've obviously
left that one unless this is a dream in which case it has left me
but you know alboldertonolden you never told me about this jeff
that i'm not even sure has an opinion about pants you know
because i really like the one's in his closet at home if i may be
so bold as to conjecture as to what might be in there.
Albert- I think I'm confused. Which, if my past experience with
Jeff is any clue, must mean that everyone is making perfect
sense.
Stacy- You know, I must say that I feel very comfortable here.
Also, I have very strong feelings about the other person in this
room who is not Albret or Wendy, but whose identity makes me
incomprehensible should I contemplate it.
Jeff- I think I better leave.
Albold- What? What do you mean, Jeff? We kicked out Harold so
you could stay.
Jeff- And I appreciate that, but I really think I better go.
I've been around people too long and am losing the loneliness
which is so integral to who I am.
Wendy- Oh come now jeff i know you're not leaving because there's
obviously something making you leave which must be very
interesting and so worth staying for I mean I remember remember
remember that you know when i was young did i already mention
that it's so hard to remember what i've already relived that it's
prefix is the same whether you retell it once or a hundred times
isn't that junny hello jeff.
Jeff- Good-bye.
Arnold- Please Jeff, don't go. We'd all really like you to stay.
Jeff- I'm sorry.
Stacy- I'd really like that peron who I couldn't possibly talk to
coherently to stay so that we may learn more about each other
through indirect conversation.
Wendy- You see, jeff, how everyone wants you to stay and i think
your refusal thus far has made you pathetic enough to not have to
leave anymore don't you think?
Albertolden- Ya Jeff, stay. Please.
Jeff- Well...
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©Louis Marrone, 1998