November 20, 1997
The Wednesday @ 22:00h Show Radio Play
Cast: Jeff- Christine
Wendy- me
Harold- Matt Thurston
Arnold- Devin Armstrong(he prerecorded ten arbitrary lines
for Arnold, and I wrote the rest of the lines around them.)
Arnold- Well, I'm worried about housing a fugitive.
Jeff- You won't have to house him Arnold, he can stay in my bed-
I mean apartment.
Wendy- Arnold I canten believe that you're acting this way,
peculiar like. After all that you and Harold, the guy right
there, have been through. Would you like another drink Jeff,
cause I wouldn't you know that I want one and all that like.
Jeff- I was Harold that you were drinking with, Wendy.
Harold- I don't need another drink Wendy- thanks. But don't let
that stop you... Wendy?
Jeff- I think she's sleeping, Harold.
Wendy- What? Oh, no. I was just tinking like Arnold you know
that I canten belief you and your stupidity-like. It reminds me
of you inabilitities in our bedroom-like and all that.
Arnold- I can't believe you just said that to me. I can't
believe you just said that to me.
Jeff- Now don't get all defensive Arnold. We've all had problems
with our titties.
Harold- Don't worry about me Arnold. I'm not sure I would help
me out if I was in your shoes. I mean, you have a house and a
wife and a, what exactly is it you have to worry about? Andy
way, don't worry about it.
Arnold- So what are you going to do, Harold? What are you going
to do?
Harold- Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'll just die, or go to
Cincinnati.
Jeff- What does Harold's titties have to do with this?
Wendy- (SNORING)
Arnold- Shut-up!
Wendy- Huh? What? No Arnold, you're doing great. Are you
finished yet?
Arnold- Do you have a problem with me? If you do, you don't have
to beat around the bush. If you do, tell me right now- tell me.
Wendy- What? Oh, I'm sorry Arnold. I must have dose off again
if that's what I did earlier but I think I was thinking. No, um,
I was just thinking now of, um, how great you are at that thing
which I can't think of now but that you really impressed me with
that time I'm sure you remember and so I wasn't meaning any
insult or anything like that I love you don't you know Harold- I
mean Arnold.
Arnold- I'm sorry.
Jeff- But what are we going to do about Harold? I mean, those
two, big guys might be on their way here right now to beat him up
because he created El Tittio.
Harold- That's El Ninio, Jeff. But I think you're right. I
don't think leaving the country is enough. I think I'm going to
have to rectify what I've done. I'm going to have to reverse the
effects of El Ninio and return credence to the theory of the four
seasons. It's the only way out of this mess.
Jeff- How are you going to do that?
Wendy- (SNORING)
Harold- Well, it won't be easy, and I'll need all the help I can
get.
Wendy- What? Huh? Oh ya. Harold baby, I know what you mean by
that alright, but should you be talking like that the way you are
around my husband Arnold there and all not that I'm not flattered
or anything, but right now, with hubby-baby around and all, and
my curious inexplicable attraction to Jeff wearing foreign
clothing and all maybe you'd better try again alone with me there
I mean not totally alone-
Harold- No, Wendy. I need help destroying El Ninio.
Wendy- What did you think I was talking about there Arnold- I
mean Harold- did you say something Jeff?
Jeff- No Wendy, but I must say that since I've arrived here my
affinity to foreign clothing has subsided and I have become quite
intrigued by Harold's preference for Canadian trousers.
Harold- I'm still not wearing any pants, Jeff.
Wendy- That's right, you were groggy or something...like...
(SNORING)
Jeff- Just testing, Harold. You see how great of a private
investigatory I am?
Harold- Arnold, please help me. Someone has to.
Jeff- I said I'd help you, Harold. What more do you need? Right,
Wendy?
Wendy- What? Huh? Yes, I like your pants, Harold. I mean right
that's right Jeff, is that- what did you say? OK.
Arnold- I want to help you.
Wendy- Help me what?
Harold- I think he was talking to me, Wendy. I appreciate that,
Arnold. This is what I need you to do. The incantation
reversing the effects of El Ninio requires that a human willingly
sacrifice himself. You'll need to allow me to bludgeon you with
a Jelly Fish Until you starve to death. I really appreciate this
Arn-
Arnold- I can't do that. I can't do that. I can do anything but
that.
Jeff- I'll do it. I'm lonely.
Harold- Thanks anyway Jeff, but this is a one time thing and I
need to be sure the sacrifice is human.
Wendy- What about me? I think I know what happened just now, you
want me to do something with jelly, and something about dinner,
didn't you Harold?
Harold- I think you better rest, Wendy. So what do you say,
Arnold? It would really help me out.
Arnold- No.
Jeff- Come one Harold, help out a friend, come on.
Harold- Please, please, please, I'll never ask you anything
again, I swear.
Wendy- Ya, ya, ya. Come on and do whatever that is that you
should od, come on Arnold, what do you say?
Arnold- Well...
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